The Look

Not too long ago I wrote about my conversation with a dear friend ATL who talked about “the look of desperation” that some women have written across their face in invisible ink (see entry Too Desperate To Be Blessed).  Some of you wrote and called me, wanting to know what “this look” was and how you could know if you had it.  I must admit that it is hard to describe, because it manifests in so many variations among our sisteren.  But let me share with you what I learned from ATL that day..... It’s in the Eyes 


It has been said that the eyes are the window to the soul.  They tell what is going on with us deep within.  If we are happy they display joy, if we are sad they will show that too.  Our eyes can reveal contentment, peace, pain, loneliness, resentment, unforgiveness and more.  No matter how shinny our lip gloss, how flawless the makeup or fabulous our hair is done, our eyes will tell on us every time.  We can even manage to be coy, cute and alluring, but if our eyes are not right, a man will know what is going on with us beneath the surface.  We could ignore him and play hard to get, but our eyes will tell him our real story.  It saddens me to report that yes, you can be utterly beautiful with a captivating smile, but one look into your eyes will let him know if you are desperate.

Worse yet, ATL told me I had the look!  Oh my goodness! How could that be true?  I wanted to protest, but I knew deep down he was probably right. My pain, despite my dressing it up with make up and cute hairstyles, probably had read on my face from time to time.  It had been a painful three years.  So he was probably right, not so much that I knew about the look before that conversation, but I knew I had been desperate at moments.  Not to mention sad, angry, depressed, disappointed, and more.


Admittedly, I can be a bit too cool for school when it comes to showing emotions that I don’t want others to see.  I am a pro.  I know how to put emotions on the back burner to I have time to deal with them.  I can put a shield up, put a mask on and keep it moving.  I don't hide it from friends, but only those who truly know me do I allow to know what goes on within... those who I trust love me.  So I was a bit surprised that he was telling me I had a look that those I didn't know or provide this extra measure of trust could see desperation in my eyes.  Shoot, I think I may have been offended for a moment.  


Yet, that was exactly what he was telling me...my secret was out and my eyes were telling on me.  Wow!  He rendered me silent for a bit.  But because his conversation came totally from a place of love and a desire to see me meet my dream, I listened.  We rode in silence for about thirty minutes.  Then I did it.  I looked in the mirror.  Trying to see what he saw.  

I thought I had arrived at my place of healing.  I probed and asked.  Is that look still there?  I thought I was whole.  But he replied “it is not as bad as it was, but yes, you still have it. Godiva dear, your eyes still show sadness and a hint of discontent.”  He then went on to explain the opposite of the look of desperation is contentment: knowing you are ok, just as you are with or without someone, if love comes or does not come.  Fine. Complete.  Ready to be single. Rested. Satisfied.

Do me a favor, look in the mirror, look into your eyes.  Do you see joy, contentment? Full assurance that G-d has you?  What do you see?  Better yet, ask a trusted male friend, an older woman and a peer what they see in your eyes.  Be prepared for the answers.  They may be alarming.  But better to know and be able to change, then not to know and miss your blessing with the look.


Reality Pause:  I know it is hard to believe that men are this intuitive, but they are.  Now what they do with said intuition is another thing.  A hunter will use your look to conquer you, giving you what you think you need, but not himself.  Using his skill to get what he wants from you without ever giving you what you want and so desperately need.  A lover will run from you if your eyes are not right.  ATL says this is “unless” he is willing to do the work to help you find healing.  But if he is really ready, he is going to keep it moving because he wants a woman who is also ready and has unpacked her bags.

So ladies our eyes tell on us. 
What a concept.

So simple. So True.

They truly are windows….

Today's Whisper...

G-d make me fully content in you, trusting you without reservation until you send the one fashioned for me.

So I wait...

I have been waiting...

I will wait...

for the one God will send.