A few years back I watched the movie The Pursuit of Happyness with Will Smith and his son Jaden (who debuted on the large screen with this award winning film). It was a moving story the chronicled the life of Chris Gardner, a single dad trying to make a way for his family. Chris was a man who found great joy in being a good father to his son, a gift never given to him by his own dad. Yet, despite this joy, happiness had evaded him. Having hit rock bottom with a business venture gone bad, Gardner begins a relentless pursuit of his own happiness.
As a Christian, it is not merely some religious platitude that “the joy of the Lord is my strength;” it is fact. There is nothing like knowing G-d for yourself. It provides a joy that cannot me quantified or qualified. That is because Joy, is pure, essential and is indivisible. It is Joy. Complete. Satisfying. Strength-Giving.
My relationship with G-d is what makes life livable during the difficult times. Obviously, knowing G-d is phenomenal when things are going well, but it is in the time of trouble that I am able to draw needed strength from within the embrace of G-d’s love. My relationship with G-d through Christ keeps me grounded and from going totally over a cliff in troubling times. It is what gives me courage to believe, despite facts to seem to deny the fulfillment of my hopes and dreams. But there is a difference between joy and happiness. Joy comes from within and can exist even when the details of life do not make you “happy.” I am so glad I have joy! But during this season of my life I am pursing happiness.
My therapist gave me an ultimatum this summer that I wrestled with. He told me if I wanted to be in a relationship (of course one that leads to marriage was the implication-- I need a husband, not a boyfriend or boo) do something about it. I was a bit taken aback by this challenge. I was like dude, if it depended on me, trust I would have been married a long time ago and would be raising my kids with my loving husband. But yet there it was, a huge pink elephant, he had paced in the corner of the room with his challenge whispering to me…pursue your happiness.
He argued that if my very-life depended on my finding a mate, I would find one. He went on to insist that I could do so in as little as 6 months. Really?! I protested, “it is by no means that simple, especially for women.” But I must admit it made me wonder what role do we play in the pursuit of our own happiness?
Doc was right; we know how to go after everything else we want. Why not here? He wasn’t suggesting that I go searching, as much as I do what I could to make my dreams come true. No time at the moment to discuss my theological musings about what it means to be “found,” but suffice to say, I opened myself up to the idea of the pursuit.
So in July I decided to experiment with 3 months of on-line dating and see where that led me. Look for a future entry “tales from the crypt – dating in 2011.” I wanted to allow myself greater exposure to men. I am not the kind of girl that will chase a brother, but increasing my exposure seemed to be a reasonable step toward the challenge to pursue my happiness.
My pursuit has also caused me to do continual introspection as respects to how I relate to men. How open I am and how vulnerable do I allow myself to be? I am undeniably “all girl,” but often shield “my girl” because of the roles I have held professionally. Corporate America had made me a bit hard (no-nonsense, name taker, bottom line shot caller, deal maker). Yet, any man, who gets to know me socially, is clear that I am a lady who is eager to follow strong leadership. Despite this fact, those who only encountered me casually could easily miss this nuance because of my poise and professionalism.
I also realized that I usually harnessed my “feminine mystique” ((future entry)) until I encountered a man who had expressed his interest. Then I would turn it on. Honest talks with male friends over the last 16 months have taught me that I needed to soften myself. I am strong. No changing that. But did I always need to come off sooo strong? Fact: some men will not lean in close enough to see your softness and learn that beneath the very accomplished businesswoman turned minster is a girl looking for her prince charming. I know now, I have to let my soft show. It is critical to my pursuit.
So today I am pursing my own destiny. I have learned it is not just about happiness; but more about doing my best to cooperate with
G-d’s destiny for my life. That means being open, being wiling to change and keeping my eyes and ears open for glimmers of the future. Who knows sometimes when you least expect it, opportunity knocks.
Wait, I think someone is knocking now…
So I wait...
I have been waiting...
I will wait...
for the one God will send.
--Godiva
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