The Look

Not too long ago I wrote about my conversation with a dear friend ATL who talked about “the look of desperation” that some women have written across their face in invisible ink (see entry Too Desperate To Be Blessed).  Some of you wrote and called me, wanting to know what “this look” was and how you could know if you had it.  I must admit that it is hard to describe, because it manifests in so many variations among our sisteren.  But let me share with you what I learned from ATL that day..... It’s in the Eyes 


It has been said that the eyes are the window to the soul.  They tell what is going on with us deep within.  If we are happy they display joy, if we are sad they will show that too.  Our eyes can reveal contentment, peace, pain, loneliness, resentment, unforgiveness and more.  No matter how shinny our lip gloss, how flawless the makeup or fabulous our hair is done, our eyes will tell on us every time.  We can even manage to be coy, cute and alluring, but if our eyes are not right, a man will know what is going on with us beneath the surface.  We could ignore him and play hard to get, but our eyes will tell him our real story.  It saddens me to report that yes, you can be utterly beautiful with a captivating smile, but one look into your eyes will let him know if you are desperate.

Worse yet, ATL told me I had the look!  Oh my goodness! How could that be true?  I wanted to protest, but I knew deep down he was probably right. My pain, despite my dressing it up with make up and cute hairstyles, probably had read on my face from time to time.  It had been a painful three years.  So he was probably right, not so much that I knew about the look before that conversation, but I knew I had been desperate at moments.  Not to mention sad, angry, depressed, disappointed, and more.


Admittedly, I can be a bit too cool for school when it comes to showing emotions that I don’t want others to see.  I am a pro.  I know how to put emotions on the back burner to I have time to deal with them.  I can put a shield up, put a mask on and keep it moving.  I don't hide it from friends, but only those who truly know me do I allow to know what goes on within... those who I trust love me.  So I was a bit surprised that he was telling me I had a look that those I didn't know or provide this extra measure of trust could see desperation in my eyes.  Shoot, I think I may have been offended for a moment.  


Yet, that was exactly what he was telling me...my secret was out and my eyes were telling on me.  Wow!  He rendered me silent for a bit.  But because his conversation came totally from a place of love and a desire to see me meet my dream, I listened.  We rode in silence for about thirty minutes.  Then I did it.  I looked in the mirror.  Trying to see what he saw.  

I thought I had arrived at my place of healing.  I probed and asked.  Is that look still there?  I thought I was whole.  But he replied “it is not as bad as it was, but yes, you still have it. Godiva dear, your eyes still show sadness and a hint of discontent.”  He then went on to explain the opposite of the look of desperation is contentment: knowing you are ok, just as you are with or without someone, if love comes or does not come.  Fine. Complete.  Ready to be single. Rested. Satisfied.

Do me a favor, look in the mirror, look into your eyes.  Do you see joy, contentment? Full assurance that G-d has you?  What do you see?  Better yet, ask a trusted male friend, an older woman and a peer what they see in your eyes.  Be prepared for the answers.  They may be alarming.  But better to know and be able to change, then not to know and miss your blessing with the look.


Reality Pause:  I know it is hard to believe that men are this intuitive, but they are.  Now what they do with said intuition is another thing.  A hunter will use your look to conquer you, giving you what you think you need, but not himself.  Using his skill to get what he wants from you without ever giving you what you want and so desperately need.  A lover will run from you if your eyes are not right.  ATL says this is “unless” he is willing to do the work to help you find healing.  But if he is really ready, he is going to keep it moving because he wants a woman who is also ready and has unpacked her bags.

So ladies our eyes tell on us. 
What a concept.

So simple. So True.

They truly are windows….

Today's Whisper...

G-d make me fully content in you, trusting you without reservation until you send the one fashioned for me.

So I wait...

I have been waiting...

I will wait...

for the one God will send.

Ready for Love

I open with an apology for not writing for three months.  Things in my life got very hectic and I neglected this space of connection, contemplation and community.  So much has happened, so many things I need to write about.  Not sure even where to begin.  But where I am seems like the natural place.  We will handle rewinds as they become necessary.


Its a new year, a new day, a new dawn.  Indeed.  But I am still waiting.  I am good, even great!  I am lonely, but I am not letting that consume me.


Lonely...not as being without companionship and company.  I have that from all my wonderful friends.  Nor is it that I am left without confidantes and comrades.  I have that too.  I am so blessed.  I have people who hold my heart, help me nurture my dreams, people who will laugh and cry with me.  But the kind of lonely I am, knows that something, better yet, knows someone is missing.  


I am lonely for romantic intimacy.  No I am not talking about sex or physical contact... although both would be nice (long pause).  But I want so much more!  I could get sex. You know that's not hard at all.  But I don't want to be aroused physically while my soul remains untouched.  I'm not looking for the warmth of one night, only to be left with the freedom of a single's independence.  I don't want ecstasy without responsibility; nor an embrace without love's commitment.   I don't want a fleeting satisfaction only to still be left singing in my sheets India Arie's ballad "I am ready for love."  

I am ready for love.

Why are you hiding from me?

I quickly give my freedom to be held in your captivity.

I am ready for love, all of the joy and the pain.

And all the time that it takes,

just to stay in your good grace.

Lately I've been thinking you are not ready for me.  

Maybe you think I need to learn maturity.  

They say watch what your ask for, cause you might receive.  

But if you ask me tomorrow I'll say the same thing.  I am ready for Love...

Would you please lend me your ear.  I promise I won't complain, I just need you to acknowledge I am here.  If you give me half a chance I will prove this to you.  I will be patience, kind, faithful and true to the man who loves me, the man who loves God, respects the spirit world and thinks with his heart.

I am ready for love.  If you'll take me in your hands.  I will learn what you teach and do the best that I can. I am ready for love, here with an offering of my poise, my eyes, this song, my mind, tell me what is enough to prove I am ready....for love.

When India preformed this at one of the award shows, she said, I am not singing this for any particular person, but to G-d, asking for love to bless her life. I hear her.  I am ready. This is not a statement, but a prayer.


But yes, I am ready for the work.  Ready for the journey. Ready for the privilege.  Ready! Ready to give myself, share my world and enjoy a lifetime of getting to know one another.  I am a romantic without a muse and I am ready for love.


I also want to be wanted. I want to be wanted for who I am, for my company, my wit and my presence.  I want to be wanted...because my voice matters in the issues of his life.  I want to be wanted because life is better with me along for the journey.  I want to be wanted because I am physically, intellectually and emotionally sexy.  I want to be wanted because my cooking and my presence makes his mouth water for more. I want someone who wants me, Godiva S. Sweet.  I want the one who has been praying to G-d for me, as much as I for him, if not more and who is also ready. 

Today my whisper is G-d please send my husband 'cause 

I am ready for love

So I wait...

          I have been waiting...

                    I will wait...

                              for the one God will send.