An ontological conversation....

Welcome to the whisper,  a conversation space for me to explore, laugh, grow, groan and occasionally scream about my journey in singleness, while I wait for God to send my husband (myMOG-my man of God).  This will not be a blog about destination; even it if sounds like it in my tag line.  Instead, is is about my journey with all it's twists, turns, hills, mountains, plaines, valleys, obstacles and roadblocks. The whisper will not be writings from my prayer journal, instead things I've been wanting to talk about in open space and engage others, but could not do with my face and my name attached to it.  Thus, the whisper will be written anonymously until God says otherwise.  Who knows, one day it will become my memoir.  As if someone wants to hear about my life...I guess we will see.

My commitment to you is that I will be honest, even when that honesty will for a moment make me seem unfaithful in my commitment to faithfully stay the course.  I am committed to sharing my truth- triumphs, failures, trails, joys, pains and questions.  I don't propose that I have all the answers, but maybe you will help me find some- or even lift more questions for exploration.  Sometimes my writings will be carefully scripted whispers and at other times they will be simple spontaneous reveals of my experience or emotions of the day.  Either way, I will be true and allow you to hear the whispers of my heart.

About Me...
I am a forty-something Christian clergy-woman of African-American decent living in the midwest. The whisper is about a quest to walk this journey without knowing my husband in the biblical way, until our wedding night.  I have never blogged before and I don't even faithfully follow the blogs to which I subscribe.  I find that I am moving to fast, doing to much and not taking enough time to read.  But during this next phase I endeavor to write and to read not only theological and ministry literature along with my bible, but I am committing to reading things that are for the woman I am on this journey.  It will be my goal to put a post up every week at first and maybe later a few times a week.  But for now, I am putting this introduction up as a story of beginnings.  Remember I am not a professional blogger and I have no clue what I am doing.

Disclaimer...
I apologize now for typos!  I will get better and will have a reader sometime soon.  But this first one has not been read by my editors.  With no ink in my printer, it will certainly have some mistakes, I pray for grace.

In the beginning... 
I have always been a church-girl and have been a committed to a personal relationship with Christ since my teens.  I knew early being becoming one of Christ's disciple was a journey- not a destination.    I began my journey with full resolve to never look back, and I have not.  However, my early life and my life before Christ was not one riffled with sin, in any overt way, but since we are all born in sin...I knew I needed a savior.  In the weeks before I got saved, I knew it was no longer enough to be a good church-girl.  Thanks to my mom, I had been persuaded that I had to know Christ for myself and make a personal decision to follow him as disciple. While I knew that in theory, I am greatful to some faithful young people in my church and denomination that were instrumental in me making a decision for Christ one Friday evening.

Like many little girls, I had typical plans for my life: love, marriage and children (in that order).  Sure I would have an education, but that was presumed; but marriage and children were my dreams.  As I grew in wisdom, knowledge of God and knowledge of self, my dreams continued to take shape.  I journaled (yes I know that is not a true word...but I hate journalized...it sounds fake) about my future husband and even had a list describing my dream guy.  Through the years the list would change;  items would fall off, and eventually I had a very short list.

You see, relationships would reveal new truth that demanded a change in the list.  For example, one of my most brilliant (beautiful to look at, an added plus indeed) male objects of affection, had no formal education past high school.  With him I realized that I did not necessarily need a man with a formal education, because what I desired most between the two, was intelligence.  It is true, that often intelligence is the outgrowth of education, but not necessarily a formal education.  See with the prophetic one, my nick name for him, I learned that some of the most intelligent people are self taught.

Through the years, new truths about life of myself or about what I needed caused shifts in the list.  I would only visit my list annually, but it was not static.  It was dynamic and changed as I changed and grew.  Over the years it went from youthful detailed specifics to essential characteristics that I truly felt I needed or at least wanted in a mate.

But it has been 20 years or more since that first list and I don't really have a written one at this point.  There is a version that is about 3-4 years old and I have not looked at it in at least 2 years.  The why's and what's about why I have not looked at or maintained my annual review is certainly not a ontological conversation.  I will leave that to a later blog.  Indeed, there are ideological things I am believing God for, but as for a list, there is none per se.  Yet, I believe I will assuredly know when he comes.  It will be through prayer, fasting, discernment, accountability and more prayer that I will know when he has arrived.  I sure can not wait to see who he will be and what God will bless me with.

So I wait...
          I have been waiting...
                    I will wait...
                              for the one God will send.


Can you begin to hear my heart's whisper?  
            Godiva...